Tuesday, March 02, 2004

More Weddin' Customs

In response to our earlier post on Jewish wedding customs, David Bogner contributes the following:

All male guests should wear hats with enormous brims, and the hats must be worn with the front flipped up. The hat should be pushed as far back on the head as possible. If the brim is not at least a 'tefach' and the hat is not pushed all the way back, he has not fulfilled the obligation. Despite the front of the hat being flipped up, this should not be confused with an 'up' hat.

At the most exciting point in each dance set, the photographer must stop the circle(s) and have everyone face his ladder for a posed picture.

If there are only three or four ways to get around the band, it is permissible for guests, waiters and photographers to cut through the bandstand. Places such as Marina may actually require a fire lane through the center of the band.

While being walked down the aisle to the chupah by his parents, the chassan must wear his most 'fershlumped' black raincoat over his kittel, and he must assume the posture and expression of a death row inmate being led to the electric chair.

At every affair, there must be at least on designated 'conductor'. This is usually a drunk friend of the chassan who stands in front of the band gesturing wildly for some frenzied volume / tempo that he feels the band is deliberately withholding. His role is distinct, and should not be confused with the obligatory group of starers (see next minhag).

Every Boro Park / Williamsburg affair must have at least three (but preferably a full minyan) men who will stand absolutely still, with mouth partly open, and stare with blank, glassy-eyed expressions at the band throughout the affair. Extra 'schar' is earned for drooling. Olam Habah is earned if one can keep from blinking.

Guests under the age of Bar Mitzvah are encouraged to ask the band,
photographer, and videographer how much their respective equipment costs. A truly 'frum' child will often follow up with an inquiry as to how much the musician/ photographer/ videographer actually paid for the equipment.

Anyone else???