Here are some more characters we met recently...
"Eye Contact Guy"
"Eye Contact Guy" is the person who leans over the piano to make expressionless eye contact with the pianist. When the pianist smiles, nods, or otherwise acknowledges his presence, he turns away without responding. Nice.
"Yiddish Song Lady"
Similar to the woman requesting "Fiddler' at an Uncle Moishy show, the "Yiddish Song Lady" believes that all any party needs is for the band to play a rousing chorus of "By Mir Bist Du Shein." in her opinion, this is what makes for a rocking party. That the average age in the room is 18-21 and the crowd has been singing along to Blue Fringe tunes, goes unnoticed by this remarkably clueless woman. (Yes, it's always a woman!)
"Mr. Bluetooth" defines his self importance by the fact that he has... you'll never believe this... a wireless earpiece for his cell phone. He carries himself proudly, making sure all can notice his awesome accessory. Um, hello! It's like, a wedding. Of someone you presumably care about. You can take your Bluetooth earpiece out, you know. It won't hurt, promise. No guarantees about not suffering withdrawal though.
"The Friend of the 98 Year Old Man."
This peep shleps the 98 year old man around and intruduces him to everyone at the party. The patter is the same. 'You know how old my friend here is?" You'll never guess. He's 98 years old!" Can you believe it?" Rinse and repeat. I suppose a 98 year old friend in good health is a hipper accessory than a Bluetooth earpiece, but really, have a little rachmones on the old man and let him sit down for a few.