Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Recent Peeps

"Gavi No"
This peep's toddler "Gavi" just wants to sit in front of the band. He's not in the way, and during dinner music it's not too loud. So when his father keeps coming over to yell "Gavi, no!" loudly at him each time he comes back to the bandstand, sounding really ticked off, it's hard to be sympathetic. Especially since it seems, judging by this anger-filled mans' interactions with his other progeny as well, that "No!" just rolls off his tongue. (It also seems like he has serious anger management issues.) And naturally, the kid, fascinated by the music, is at the bandstand all night long. Give Gavi a break! Also the bandleader!

"Drumstick Fan"
This peep loves drumsticks. Not the musical kind. He loves them so much he can't bear to wait the extra time it'd take to load up a plate at the buffet and take it to a seat. Even loading up a plate and stepping away from the table takes too long. So does loading a plate and eating right there. As does loading a plate at all. Or grabbing a fork. The delayed gratification this peep would endure under any of these scenarios is excruciating... so he has to eat his drumsticks while leaning over the chafing dish. Looking on the bright side, at least the floor stays clean.

"Start Ten Minutes Early Woman"
This peep book's music to start half an hour after the invite time for their affair. Ten minutes before we're supposed to start, they ask us to start early and "you'll be done ten minutes early". We're always happy to accommodate, so we start playing. At the agreed upon end time, this peep, who has clearly been watching her watch, comes over to say "we still have a few minutes, so give me a short dance set before you pack up. Besides," she says: "my husband is getting your money now, so it'll be a few minutes." Longer story short, we start playing dance music and no one dances. So, this peep goes around the room urging the last few guests to get up and dance again. We wind up playing an extra ten minutes, until the original end time. Naturally, this peep does not tip.

"We Need Another Dance Set Lady"
This peep has a schedule. It includes a ridiculous number of dance sets, relative to the event and the guests. Yet, no matter how tired out the guests are, how successful (or not) the previous dance sets were, or even how many people are left in the room, no deviation from the planned schedule is allowed.

"The Petit Fors Guest"
This peep feels compelled to show up to all events bearing a platter of petit fors or chocolates. Never mind the fact that it's at an expensive venue, and similar (often higher quality) items are abundant, the "Petit Fors Guest" feels that no simcha is complete without their store -bought contribution to enhance the event. Not to be confused with the "Family Patchke Chef."

"The Family Patchke Chef"
This peep, a close family member of the ba'alei simcha always brings their homemade "specialty" to every family simcha. Naturally, said specialty is something that is a "patchke" in the kitchen. Unlike the "Petit Fors Guest", their contribution truly does enhance the affair, both because of the thought and effort the gift represents. Also, because it tastes good. Their platter is usually gone pretty quickly, and those in the know learn to look out for the "Patchke Chef's" contribution.