Tuesday, June 27, 2006

From the mailbag... Wedding Hall Anomalies

A clubdater writes:
Wondered if we could start a string talking about wedding hall anomalies….weird stuff that no one can explain…but that we all deal with as club dating musicians….

For example:

Eden Palace- cloth bibs hanging in the urinals, stalls that are so small u cant fit in them, and a wall that (of course) has to go right through where the band has to set up

The mysterious urinal in the middle of nowhere in the corner of the bathroom in the Concorde plaza….and everything else about the Concorde Plaza

Orion Palace- No electricity ANYWHERE near where the band has to set up (yet a MASSIVE top of the line - full back line and sound- set up on the stage at the end of the room for the Russian night club).

The famous Sephardic Temple ice (which apparently makes the urinals not smell according to a high level informant at the hall).

The beverage blender that plays an F# at the Sands….and that they always seem to use it at the most inopportune time…

The residual Bb overtone at El Caribe.

Grand Prospect Hall….need I say more….

Why we can’t park in the Marina parking lot….yeah, yeah….we know someone once broke a panel in the door…..I was actually and- I say this firsthand- physically threatened there…. “You see how nice the floor looks now? It better look that way when you leave….” Told to me while my hand was squished by a rather large gentleman….

Terrace on the park- have u ever tried to leave after a gig, only to be stuck behind mountains of garbage, bar carts, caterer boxes and the Puerto Rican waitress singing Veyaidu?

Surf Club- ever played a chuppa with the entire swim club standing around and watching in their bathing suits?

The outlet in the floor of the Rose Castle stage….that invariably gets knocked out at some point….

I am sure there are plenty more….but that is all that comes to mind at this moment…..

And in closing….

Ateres Avrohom- every club daters DREAM….best food, the band does not move, and you can walk into the kitchen and ask the chef (during service for a 800 person wedding) for a main and he willl usually say “SURE” and give you one…(I once got a tray of steaks for the whole 10 pc band-….where else could you even think of doing something like that?). The staff always tells you what they want ahead of time, there is CONSTANT communication… …BEST HALL IN THE BUSINESS HANDS DOWN form a clubdaters point of view. (I knew I was in trouble when at a recent gig, I was able to look at the shmorg table and immediately pick out which of the 100 items on the table was new to the menu – it was the carrot muffins btw….)
Oh, Man! I could go on for hours.

Here are a few...

Ever played a chupa on Ocean Parkway... during rush hour?

Ever played a shul with NO exposed available outlets?

How about a hotel with no outlets on the band's side of the room?

What about a venue where the caterer insists on a one hour dance set for an older couple's wedding, because the food is nowhere near ready?

How about those dives in Brooklyn or Belle Harbour who give the band more attitude than the ritziest upper-crust private clubs in Manhattan?

Have you had staff at a venue steal equipment from the stage while you were playing the chupa?

Why was there a female bathroom attendant in the men's room at one popular Five Towns venue on Memorial Day?

I'll stop here for now so others can chime in.