Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Psachya's Peeps

Psachya's having a peep-filled season too.

He writes:
Hey, just got my own bumper crop of June peeps. Here they are:

"The Siblings From Hell"

They come over to you with a predatory smile and say, "Hi, I'm the choson's brother," and proceed to make your life miserable. Occasionally, it's the other way 'round - when they've been making your life miserable for a half hour and you tell them to bug off, they say "Do you know who I AM? I'm the kallah's BROTHER!!" These people need to be ignored at all cost - as opposed to the siblings who are actually trying to help.

"The World Expert On Everything"

That's the teenager who was explaining to the drummer that his (the drummer's) technique stinks, he's not half as good as the drummer he saw last week, and "everybody" thinks the band is awful today. (Everyone else I spoke to thought the band rocked, but go know. And trust me, this particular drummer didn't deserve that.) And what is the source of his breathtaking musical expertise? As he explained to us, he a) really likes music, and b) goes to lots and lots of weddings.

"The Just One More Song Guy (Or Gal)"

This person will come over to you after you've been stowing your gear for at least three minutes and say, "Oh, c'mon! Just one more song!" (This is never the person who is actually responsible for paying your bill.) Don't EVER give in to him. Or her. EVER.

And that brings us to...(drumroll...)

"The Most Important Person At The Wedding"

That would be the kallah, right? Wrong! It's also not the choson. Or their parents. Or the rabbi. Or the rich uncle from Chicago. Or the bandleader, the caterer, the photographer, or the limo driver. Nope, that would be the chazzan who strolled into the ballroom just as you were about to start the second dance set, and demanded to be given a mike IMMEDIATELY so that he could torture the guests for ten or fifteen minutes. Never mind that everyone else in the room wants to dance. Never mind what the choson and kallah want. Never mind if they even know who he is. He needs a mike NOW, because he is the most important person at the wedding! And don't you forget it! (And as with the last peep, never give in. Guard your microphones with your life.)

OK, that's all for now.
I remember one gig where the kallah started to cry when the chazzan sang because he was ruining her wedding. (She wanted light violin instrumental music during dinner.) Turned out he wasn't related to anyone. He was just a Chassidic W'berg local who wanted to have the thrill of singing for a crowd with a six piece backing band, something he could never have afforded to pay for. So he just strolled in to a local wedding hall, told the band the groom wanted him to sing because he's close, and voila!