Submitted for your consideration...
The prospective client who goes from "we have an iPod, that should be fine" to booking a six-piece band in .2 seconds. (This without a sales pitch!)
The couple spotted doing body shots at the bar at a recent Orthodox wedding in the Five Towns.
The cigarillo hand rolling cigars in the lobby for wedding guests to take with them as they exit.
The woman who asks us to turn down before we played a single note.
The Trinidadian singer (with charting singles in the '70's) who wants to hire the simcha band to make a record with him.
The smart waiter who removes a table from the party room, sets it up as a drinks table outside... and then carries it back downstairs and into the room with drinks, glasses, and soda bottles falling all over.
Finally, some fashion advice. If Heaven has gifted you with thick black bushy eyebrows and a huge schnozz and you've chosen to grow a thick black mustache... you might want to choose a pair of glasses other than the thick black plastic frames exactly like the ones in the popular "Disguise Glasses."