The peeps be out in force, yo!
"Ethnic Pride Guest"
This peep might not even be Jewish. Whether it's a Bukharian Jew in traditional ceremonial dress, the groom's Nigerian co-worker in traditional dashiki, or the brides Tai-Kwan-Do instructor in ceremonial kimono, the "Ethnic Pride Guest" can be counted on to add a splash of color to the sea of black and white on the men's side of the mechitza.
"Wrist Flick Girl"
This peep is the person running the event. She'll come over at five minutes before the event/dance set is supposed to end, and flick her wrist in an ambiguous manner that either means end now, or else, keep going. Then she'll disappear so that you can't clarify what she meant without choosing one of those options first. It's always fun to guess what she meant.
Ms. "I Use You All The Time"
As a general rule, if someone who works for a school or organization you used to do a lot of work for calls after a long period of no gigs and offers that they "Use You All The Time", you can be sure that they have recently had many events you weren't called for. Um, lady, no offense, but how stupid do you think we are? The room you hired us to play in is festooned with photos of recent events including your Chanukah Chagigah, annual Melave Malka, and other previous events with live music from earlier this year!
"The Vain Rabbi"
He's good for half hour overtime on the hall, band, photographer etc, because he LOVES the sound of his own voice. Honored with leading Birkat Hamazon, he turns it into a half-hour production, complete with jokes including a "Harachaman" for the victorious sports team du jour. Hey! Thanks for the extra bread!
"The Vain Violinists"
The "Vain Violinists" struggle valiantly, or should that be "violintly", to be heard over the yapping hordes at the smorg. A six or seven piece classical ensemble is a nice concept, in theory, but in this particular venue, they were inaudible from more than three feet away. A shame, because they were playing beautifully. Next time, bring amps. Or muzzles.
The "I Lub Chewish Music" guy.
This peep, usually, although not always Hispanic, knows all of the popular Israeli and Chassidic simcha melodies. He sits on stage behind the drawn curtain whistling along with the band while also stamping along in time. We can feel the stage shaking, and the whistling gets old really fast, but its hard to get too annoyed with someone who loves Jewish music so much. Can we get him a KlezKamp scholarship?
