Got three more 'peeps for you - and all at the same wedding! (They seem to come in bunches, don't they...)Here's another one...
"The Operatic Chazzan" - he comes over to me at the smorg and says, "This is what I'll be singing under the chupa." He hands me three pages of a complicated piano-vocal un-chord-charted arrangement of an aria from "Cosi fan Tutti". As my eyes glaze over, he adds, "Oh, by the way - can you do that in F Major?"
"Mrs. See-No-Instruments" - she comes up to the bandstand while we're playing and says, "Excuse me, do any of you have a pen?" As we ignore her, she then walks right smack through the middle of the band, jostling as she goes. (I know - we've talked about the shortcut ladies before - but this lady didn't even seem to realize that we were playing instruments!)
"Mr. Gear Salesman" - related to your "gear guy", I think. Lately, I've been using a two-keyboard setup on some gigs - one for "piano/keyboard", one for "bass". (It gives me a wider palette of sounds to choose from, plus a much wider range for each hand. Anyhoo...) This fella comes up and says, "Wow - I haven't seen a two-keyboard setup for a long time. Listen, I have a keyboard at home that I'm trying to sell - it actually splits, so you don't need two keyboards. (No!) It's called a 'Yamaha DX-7'. Would you be interested in buying it?" Apparently, he didn't notice that my "bass keyboard" was, in fact, a Yamaha DX7-2D. Oh well...
And BTW - re Yiddish announcements at weddings of non-Yiddish speakers - two tips for sounding more authentic. 1) Don't stop between each word ("Mitt...der...ershter...brocho...") - it's a dead giveaway. 2) Better yet - dispense with the Yiddish numbers altogether. Just say that HaRav HaGuen HaRav So-and-So is "mechibbed mit ah BROOO-CHEH!" Now that's authentic!
"Front Row Phone Call"
This peep sits in the front row at the chupa. Not only does he ignore the request to turn off his cell phone, he actually takes the call when his phone rings mid-ceremony. Nothing like a stage-whispered convo about shidduchim to help solemnize the kiddushin.