"Bad News Bear"
This peep loves to be the bearer of bad news. She's the one who has to come over during a kumzits at the end of a wedding to inform the singer mid-song that Yosi Piamenta passed away. True story. Now, keep smiling and start another song!
"Knows His Key"
This peep knows what key he sings in. But, he doesn't know the name of the key. So, it's not F# minor, but rather, "one lower than G minor." An oddly endearing quirk.
"Doesn't Know the Words"
This peep with a good voice will always get up and sing at events he's at. For some reason, the guests always want him to. This even though he butcher's the words EVERY time, no matter the song. Whether it's Vezakeini or even Shir Hama'alos, he can be counted on to screw it up. And yet, they applaud and the next time, ask him to do it again.
"My Family Has Yichus"
This peep takes twenty minutes at the beginning of his Sheva Brachos speech to let the guests know EXACTLY who his family is. A full accounting of all rabbis, successful businessmen, etc. must be given. Seriously, twenty minutes. I timed him.
"7 & 3/4 Guy"
This peep leads the singing in between Sheva Brachos blessings. He will drop an eighth note at the end of every phrase. Consistently.
"Sheer Pantsuit Lady"
This feisty eighty year old will show up in an effectively sheer pantsuit. I say effectively because it wouldn't have been see-through if she'd worn something light underneath it. The black bra and undies though...
"The Seforim Holder"
This guy comes to the fundraising dinner for his Gap year yeshiva carrying a sefer ostentatiously. He never uses it that night (or possibly much ever).
"So, I Married A Hooker"
This guy brings his wife, dressed in loud flashy revealing clothing and stiletto heels to the same yeshiva dinner "Seforim Holder" is at. All of the other wives are dressed in modest attire, as expected.
"The Sheet Music Reader"
This peep will take advantage of the band's break to get up on stage and flip through the band's charts. Then, he'll come over and ask specific questions aimed at demonstrating his comprehension of the charts. Um, yes that polyrhythmic instruction at the top of the chart does mean exactly what it says, and we do play that tune in F#. And, thanks for going through our stuff!
