"Super Spreadsheet Client"
This peep has every last detail of their wedding nailed down. They have made absolutely sure that not even one second of the event goes unprogrammed. We know this because the emails they've sent have been thorough. A list of song requests for each part of the affair... a 2 gig file of audio of each song requested... a spreadsheet that maps out the length of each audio clip... and a schedule that assumes the band will take *exactly* the same amount of time as the recording to play each tune. Whew!
"Where'd The Art Go"
This peep is the black sheep of their chareidi family. While playing a family celebration in their home, we notice that all of the art hanging in the living room is gone. There are just bare hooks. Quite odd, given the luxurious decor. On closer look, we notice a new inset electric outlet placed just behind where the main painting behind the sofa would hang. And then it hits us. Its not only art that's been hidden, it's the flat screen TV that is the centerpiece of the room, that's been removed too. What they don't know won't hurt 'em! In the meantime, the relatives can hang their black hats on the vacant hooks.
"Dad Doesn't Get It"
This peep *needs* his son to give a long and complicated lomdus-filled high-level dvar Torah at his Bar Mitzvah. The fact that this child is not cut out for this either intellectually or socially seems not to matter. Twenty painful minutes later, the speech is over, but the bar Mitzvah boy will likely live with the feeling of failure forever. Note to dads. The speech isn't about demonstrating your intellectual acumen. If you've got a kid who is up to it, great! If not, don't force it. Chanoch lena'ar al pi darko!
"The Greatest Fan Ever"
This peep loves our band. Here's a paraphrase: "Wow! You guys are awesome! Is that a bass? Wow! I love bass! And guitar? Yes! To guitarist: "You're awesome! To band:I see there's a keyboard player and a drummer. Perfect! Clarinet too? Excellent. You guys are awesome!" All this before we've played a single note. The best part was that it was totally sincere too. To the greatest fan ever... you are awesome!