"The Hallway Smoker"
This friend of the family must have a smoke during/right after the chupa. Naturally, the best place to do so is in the hallway right outside the chupa room. You know. The one that everybody has to pass through to get to the ballroom. The one that the chosson and kallah pass through on the way to the yichud room. The one that does not have any ventilation. Yeah, that one.
"Mr. Why Did You Set Up Here?"
This peep will walk by the band countless times as they're setting up the PA and all of their gear in the same spot they always do when playing this venue. Biding his time, he waits until absolutely everything has been set up before asking "why did you set up here?" Um, because that's where the band always set up. "Well, today we need you to set up on the exact opposite side of the dance floor!" OK, don't you think you might have said something a little sooner?
"Rabbi I'm Not Going To Speak About..."
This peep always starts off by saying he won't speak long. It is then followed, natch, by a long speech, in which he lists many things he won't/can't talk about adequately, talking about each immediately after he's disclaimed his ability to do so.
"You Played My Brothers Wedding"
Um, no. We didn't. We know, because we know who did. It wasn't us.
The "Need Any Help Guy"
This peep's offer of help would feel more sincere if he hadn't just shoved his way past us while we were navigating a cart full of gear through a tight turn off a ramp onto the sidewalk. For some reason, after this peep literally shoves past us in a manner that might have knocked the cart over onto us, his offer of "need any help", made without breaking stride while walking away rings hollow. Thanks for nothing.
"Did You See The Flowers You Bought The Kallah?"
Finally, this peep takes his title from the question his mother asks him after his engagement party. It is followed up by an instruction to make sure the kallah sees them. Because nothing says "I love you" more than the flowers your mom bought and signed your name to.
